Mr. Garrison: Let's start the day with a few new math problems -- what is five times two? Yes. Clyde?
Clyde: Twelve.
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try and get an answer from somebody who is not a complete retard.
Cartman: Well, I've been lickin' this carpet for 3 whole hours and I don't feel like a lesbian.
Mr. Garrison: Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early '60's?
Cartman: A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods.
Mr. Garrison: Right. But who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?
Other Mom: Can Eric spend the night?
Mrs. Cartman: No, I'm sorry, Eric is grounded for trying to exterminate the Jews last week.
Cartman: Naw dude, Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Kyle: Cartman, you have such a fat ass, that when people walk down the street they go, 'God damn, that's a big, fat ass.'
Cartman: No, they don't, you jealous weakling.
Passing Man: God damn, that's a big fat ass.
Cartman: It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.
SOUTH PARK